Good morning, fellow chaos managers. Today we've got 3 simple tactics, 2 motivational quotes, 1 system for new years resolutions.
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Marriage Tactic
Half-listening when they talk.
Putting off repair after conflict.
Rarely showing affection.
Dismissing their feelings.
Taking them for granted.
Parenting Tactic
Every extra warning teaches your child that your words are just noise. They learn patience isn't required you'll cave eventually. So try this:
State the rule once: "Toys stay on the floor, not flying."
Give a clear choice: "Play gentle or the toy takes a rest."
They throw again? Toy goes on the shelf.
Say "The toy rests until tomorrow. We'll try gentle hands then."
This isn't punishment but it's teaching that your words have weight. One calm warning, then action. That's how kids learn self-control.
Mental Health Tactic
You're stuck….. say something and you're "ungrateful." Stay quiet and you're building a resentment bomb. The invisible mental load keeps landing back on you. Here's how to close the loop without the guilt:
Acknowledge + Add: "Thank you for starting the laundry. When you have time today can you also help fold and put it away so it's fully done?"
Name the gap: "When the laundry isn't folded, I'm still finishing the task. It would feel like such a load off to know you've got it start to finish."
Check understanding: "Do you have questions about how I do this, or do you have it?"
This isn't nagging it's teaching your partner what is "done" and sharing the load. Learn more about mitigating your load as the default partner.
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Motivation
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." - Robert Collier
"Strive for progress, not perfection."
Family System
Busy Parents System For New Years Resolutions
It's that magical time of year when everyone pretends they're going to become a different person on January 1st. Gym memberships spike. Journals get bought. And by February? We're back to surviving on cold coffee and spite.
Here's the thing: New Year's resolutions fail for most people. For busy parents? The failure rate is basically guaranteed unless you build them differently.
So let's stop setting resolutions like we're childfree trust-fund kids with personal chefs. Here's how to build realistic goals that survive contact with real parenting life.
STEP 1: The Anti-Perfectionist Reset
Pick 2 things max. Not 12.
Your calendar is already hostage to a toddler's feelings and corporate meetings. Every resolution you add is competing with actual survival tasks.
Your task:
Write the "minimum version" of your resolution
If you can't do it on your worst parenting day, it's too big
Examples:
❌ "Work out 5x/week at 5am"
✅ "Move for 7 minutes after kids go down"
✅ "100 push and 200 sit ups a day"
STEP 2: Build It As A Tiny Habit (Not a Life Overhaul)
Research shows small behaviors repeated in stable contexts stick way better than big ambitious changes. The key? Make it so small you'd be embarrassed to skip it.
Your task: Connect your resolution to something you already do every day using this format: "After I [existing habit], I will [tiny new habit]."
Examples:
"After I start the coffee, I do 5 push-ups"
"After I brush my teeth, I write 1 sentence in my journal"
"After I put my kid's dishes in the sink, I drink a full glass of water"
The rule: If it takes more than 2 minutes, it's too big.
STEP 3: Pre-Decide Your Response to Chaos
You know exactly what's going to derail you. The kid melts down at bedtime. You miss your workout. Work runs late. Let's plan for that instead of pretending it won't happen.
Your task: Write 2-3 "If-Then" rules for your most predictable derailers.
Format: "If [predictable chaos], then I will [backup plan]"
Examples:
"If the kid melts down at bedtime, then I do a 60-second breathing reset instead of doom-scrolling"
"If I miss my morning workout, then I do a 5-minute floor routine before my shower"
"If I'm too tired to cook, then I order the healthy takeout option (not the guilt spiral)"
STEP 4: The 3-Minute Reality Check (WOOP)
Most resolutions fail because we plan for the fantasy version of our life, not the actual Tuesday where everyone's tired and the toddler dumped yogurt on the dog.
Your task: Spend 3 minutes doing this right now:
Wish: What do you actually want? → "More energy"
Outcome: What would be different if you got it? → "I'm calmer at dinner instead of snapping at everyone"
Obstacle: What's the real thing that's going to get in your way? → "I crash at 3pm every day"
Plan: Your if-then response to that obstacle → "If it's 2:45pm, then I drink water + walk for 5 minutes"
STEP 5: Track It (Barely) + Weekly 5-Minute Check-In
You don't need a fancy app or color-coded spreadsheet. You need one number and 5 minutes with your partner during your weekly check-in.
Your task:
Pick ONE metric to track:
Minutes moved this week
Nights screens were off by 9:30
Days I did my tiny habit
Times I used my if-then plan
Weekly Check-In with your partner:
What worked this week?
What didn't?
What's the tiniest tweak for next week?
That's it. No judgment. No perfectionism. Just data.
Closing
Here's what nobody tells you: The goal isn't to become perfect. The goal is to build one or two systems that make life slightly less hard.
That's it. That's the whole game.
You're not failing if you skip a day. You're failing if you quit because you skipped a day.
So pick something small. Make it too easy to fail. And stop treating January 1st like magic. You've got this not because you're superhuman, but because you're finally building resolutions for the life you actually have.
Odds & Ends
Past Articles To Start With
Family Vision & Goals System - running a family without shared goals is like trying to use your GPS without knowing the destination. View here
Sunday 15-Min Weekly Meeting - Meeting weekly with your spouse prevents weekday chaos and saves your sanity. View here
Building Responsibility for Kids - Get your kids to actually do chores without turning into a nag or their maid service. View here
System to Divvy Up Chores Fairly - End the "I do everything" fights with a framework that actually works. View here
Meltdown Reset System - How to handle a full-blown toddler meltdown in aisle 7 without losing your mind or caving to their demands. View here
System for Batching Decisions - learn to mitigate your decision fatigue by batching decisions with themed days. View here
Date ideas to try instead of watching Netflix…. again?
Feel more connected with your spouse with after these 3 date night ideas!
Decorate Clothing Together: Grab plain shirts, hats, or tote bags and decorate them with fabric markers, paint, or patches for a creative, low-pressure craft date.
Make a Dessert Pizza: Use cookie dough or flatbread as a base and top it with chocolate, fruit, and sweets to create and share a fun, indulgent dessert together.
Backyard Tent Day: Set up a tent in the backyard, bring snacks and drinks, and hang out together like you’re on a mini staycation at home.
Find the master list of 200+ at home date ideas.
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